


Faults

by micasaessakusa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Engagement, Engagement, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micasaessakusa/pseuds/micasaessakusa
Summary: It’s his fault, Akaashi thinks.How andwhyhe thought you would ever be satisfied with a man like him was beyond him. He guesses it’s his own fault for letting himself believe that he was worthy enough of your attention, deserving enough to be picked, simply enough to replace the one before him - the one who held your heart.And now as he stares at you and him, he realizes -the man in front of you still holds your heart.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	Faults

_ It’s his fault _ ,  _ Akaashi thinks. _

How and  _ why _ he thought you would ever be satisfied with a man like him was beyond him. He guesses it’s his own fault for letting himself believe that he was worthy enough of your attention, deserving enough to be picked, simply  _ enough _ to replace the one before him - the one who held your heart. 

And now as he stares at you and  _ him _ , he realizes -  _ the man in front of you still holds your heart _ .

For all his insecurities, Akaashi recognizes that it wasn’t entirely his fault why he became so enamored with you. How could he not be, when for the past three years you’ve been showering him with affection, looking into his eyes as if he’s the only man you’ll ever love, and letting him love you as if you wholly trusted him to not break your heart?

But who’s he kidding? He can’t really blame you for what he’s feeling. And he can’t blame you for his mistake of being washed along by the waves of delight to the point where he became blind to the truth.

It’s so obvious, isn’t it? He’s not compatible with you. Anyone with eyes can see it, but it was just so blissful in the bubble he was in that he didn’t realize he couldn’t give you what you really need.

You’re exuberant, he’s reserved. You like to socialize, whereas he prefers his alone time.

Overall, you were polar opposites, and the only thing he had in common with you was volleyball. Well, you even went different paths with that - he pursued literature after college while you went on to compete in the professional leagues.

So really, the only thing that held you together was the faraway memory of being high school classmates and playing for your respective teams in Fukurodani. 

A sad smile graces his lips as he sees you with  _ him _ \-  _ OIkawa Tooru _ \- the ever perfect gentleman, a successful volleyball player, and also your ex-fiance. Akaashi sits still in his car as he watches you and Oikawa inside the cafe, the way your face practically lights up when you talk to him, and how the man in front of you effortlessly matches your energy.

And while it pains Akaashi to admit it, it’s clear to him that  _ that _ is what compatibility is. You and Oikawa just fit so well together, he’d be a fool to deny it.

It strikes his heart harder than he would’ve liked, but now he understands how you and the setter got to the point of marriage,  _ well _ ,  _ almost-marriage _ . But really, the only reason you and Oikawa aren’t together anymore was because of his dreams. And if Akaashi really did get to know you in the time you spent together, then he could confidently say that you’ll forgive Oikawa without a beat’s hesitation if he so much as breathes a ghost of an apology towards your way.

After all, as a passionate athlete yourself, you understand perfectly well how important Oikawa’s dream is to him.

It’s still clear as day to Akaashi, how  _ subdued _ you were when he saw you again after years. The MSBY Black Jackals hung out fairly often and as a close friend, Akaashi was always invited. It just so happened that the men’s team did promotional activities with the women’s team and that’s when he got reunited with you.

You were different then, to put it bluntly.

Akaashi spent a lot of time with you in high school, and back then, you were this bright, loud,  _ unstoppable force _ , much like his best friend Bokuto. People even took to calling you and Koutarou siblings because of how similar you two were. So when he saw how quiet you were in the few times you went out with the MSBY team, he was a bit shocked.

It wasn’t his business, though, and Akaashi respected the change. He figured it must have been a personal preference of yours, but really, it wasn’t his place to think too much about it.

But words go around especially when it involves two renowned names, and he later found out about how you got engaged to Oikawa a couple of years ago only for it to be broken when he left for Argentina.  _ You were devastated _ , said Bokuto.

In your time with MSBY, you’ve gotten close with his best friend again, and in turn, with him too. He saw how closed off you became, how just utterly sad you were, and how you had a hard time opening up again to those around you.

However, time was forgiving to you, and you soon found yourself back on your feet, ready to stand back up and burn even brighter than before.

Akaashi smiles as he remembers how brave you were the whole time. Even then at your lowest, you pushed forward, intent to rise on your own two feet to tackle the world. But just a week ago, it was like he was turned back in time when news broke out that Oikawa Tooru was back in the country.

You were restless, distracted. You tried to mask the conflict you were feeling, but Akaashi, being observant as he was, saw it all in your eyes. And now as he witnesses you engulf Oikawa in a tight hug, he breathes out.

He knows what he has to do.

Maneuvering his car away from his spot, he drives back to your shared apartment. The whole way through, his brain keeps repeating the scene of you burying your face to Oikawa’s chest, your grip tight on his back, while the setter has his arms around you as if he doesn’t want to let you go ever again.

And Akaashi understands, even though it pains him. He understands because who would want to let you go when you’ve given your heart to them?

_ It hurts _ .

But again, he thinks it’s his fault for fooling himself that he could be enough for you. Who is he to stop you from seeking happiness with your first love? With your  _ true love _ ?

No one, that’s who he is. He will set aside his own selfish needs if it means you could be with the one you want to be with. After all, wasn’t it his selfishness that brought him to this situation in the first place?

He knew Oikawa had -  _ still has _ \- your heart, but Akaashi still selfishly loved you with all of himself.

Stopping in front of the unit, he cuts the engine off and braces himself before he leaves his car. The walk towards your apartment seems like eternity, his feet dragging along the floor as if he’s being pulled down by the earth. And he might as well have been, if the heaviness in his heart is any indication.

_ He has to do this _ , he keeps reminding himself. But as much as he knows he should let you go, just a mere second of thought about a day without you already has his heart ripping into shreds.

Picking up a sticky note from the counter, he writes a short note to you.

_ ‘I’ll get my belongings tomorrow during your training. I really wish you happiness, [Y/N].’ _

And in a moment of vulnerability, Akaashi writes his final  _ i love you _ at the bottom, taking his engagement ring off and putting it on top of the note.

He doesn’t waste time lingering in your unit and promptly drives away to his own apartment, one that’s been untouched for a long time, as he’s been naturally spending more time with you in your shared home.

And there, in the solitude of his own space, he weeps.

He lets the tears fall as he bites his knuckles to try to cover up the sobs that wrack his chest. He thinks of the happy memories he had with you, and he thinks of how thankful he is that you allowed him to be part of your life even for a short period of time.

But he also thinks of what would have happened had he not driven to join the team dinner that day after the MSBY promotional event. What would have happened if he wasn’t running late to the dinner? If he didn’t see you exiting the restaurant where the team was, only for you to enter the cafe across the street? What would have happened if he didn’t see Oikawa greeting you with a bright smile of his - one that’s far more genuine than what he shows to other people?

As he sits tiredly on his couch, head rested on the back of the sofa, he thinks it’s better this way.

Just imagining you be the one to end the relationship already has him tearing up even more. He knows he wouldn’t be able to hide his emotions from you if you tell him face to face that you’re cutting off your engagement with him to get back together with Oikawa.

_ It’s better this way _ , he tries to convince himself. But really, in a situation like this, a voice inside his head echoes that there is no “better” nor “good” because it spells nothing but a broken heart for him.

Akaashi awakes with a start, disoriented and groggy from abruptly waking up. He groans from an oncoming headache as he reaches for his phone on the coffee table to check the time, not even realizing that he fell asleep on the couch in the first place.

He sees it’s a little past midnight and judging from the steady sound of downpour from outside, it’s most likely raining hard.

Closing his eyes to relieve his headache, he moves to recline on the couch again and just as he rests his head on the plush pillow, a loud knock sounds from the door.

It must have been what woke him up in the first place, he belatedly thinks. Akaashi moves towards the door, his still-muddled brain trying to think of who’s visiting him this late in the night.

When he opens the door, he isn’t prepared - not one bit - to see the sight that greets him.

There you are, drenched from the rain head to toe and still wearing the clothes he saw you in earlier that day. Your eyes burn intensely as you gaze at him, and there’s a noticeable redness to them that assured him you had been crying.

_ Still crying _ , he confirms, as he sees tears still rolling down your cheeks in thick rivulets.

You’re shaking, from the cold or from anger, he’s not too sure, but he notices you clutching onto something, your right hand enclosed in a fist as you hold it protectively towards your chest as if it’s your only lifeline.

He urges himself to say something,  _ anything _ , and as the first word breaks free from his lips, you beat him to it.

“I love you, Keiji!” you yell at him, your voice thick with emotion and your throat clogging up with a sob, but you continue.

“I know I don’t deserve you. You’re kind, sincere, genuine, intelligent, devoted, you have all the good qualities in the world. You were there for me when I was at my lowest, you supported me on my journey back up. You were there. You were always there for me. And when we started to develop something special, something we shared between only you and I, I was ecstatic. I can’t even form in words how thankful I am for you, and how forever grateful I’ll be that you let me into your life. And when you proposed--,” another sob escapes your lips, as you bring a hand up to wipe at your tears, you see him move to come near you, but you put a hand up to stop him.

“When you proposed, I was happy-- the happiest I’ve ever been, because you gave me the privilege to be by your side forever. You gave me peace, Keiji. After a long time, I’ve finally found my peace and you were the one who supported me all throughout,” you keep your teary gaze on him as you take in a deep breath.

“I understand if you don’t want me anymore. I mean, how could you? I’m broken from my past relationship and you deserve way more than a woman who’s still held back by a failed relationship. I know you know that I met up with Tooru today. Kou told me he saw you. But I just want you to hear this from me- Tooru gave me the closure I needed, we’re finally over. But you deserve so much more than a partner with so many scars.”

More tears cascade down your cheeks and Akaashi is rendered even more speechless when he sees the thing clutched in your palm. You extend your hand to him, showing him the ring he left at your house earlier that day.

“I love you so much, Keiji. I know you probably wouldn’t want this around, but please, keep it,” you whisper as you shakily hand him the ring back. “I know it’s selfish of me to ask this, but I don’t think I could take it if you cut me off from your life entirely--”

Your words are halted as he pulls you towards his strong embrace, his arms encasing you in his warm and familiar hold. And even in your state of shock, he knows you could feel the tears falling from his eyes as he buries his face in the crook of your neck.

He sobs and he lets it all out.  _ His fear of you leaving him, how for a long moment he thought you were going to leave him for someone else. _

_ He tells you how his heart was gripped by the fear of being let into your life only to be tossed out because he’s not worthy of you. _

And with each tearful word that comes past his lips, his heart feels lighter.

With each whispered assurance you give him amidst your sobs, and with each declaration of love shared only between the two of you, Keiji’s heart becomes at peace. And there in your warm and loving embrace, he understands.

_ Now, he fully understands the peace in his heart. _

_ It was never about compatibility. He chose you, and you chose him. _

_ It was about the two of you choosing each other out of devotion and trust, even in the face of all the odds. _

_ With tears still streaming down his face, Akaashi Keiji smiles because now, he understands. _


End file.
